Wednesday was a particularly difficult day for me.
It was a tough conclusion to come to, and one that I spent the last month thinking about, but in the end I decided that it was best for me, best for the goats, and best for Runamuk to part with the goats.
I said goodbye to all four of my goats–Bella and George were able to stay together–they went to a homestead in New Hampshire where they joined a small herd of rescue goats and another homesteading family.
Miranna–the White Queen–returned to 5 Season Farm where she originally come from, and Merriweather Brandybuck went to a large homesteading family–right in Anson.
Divorce is a good time to reevaluate your life. To take a step back and assess what parts of your life are really working for you, and what parts are not. To look at yourself and say: do I like who I am? do I like the person that I’ve become? do I like the life I’m living? the day-to-day existence of my personal being? do I like my job?
For one reason or another it can be incredibly difficult to make changes in our life–let alone the really BIG changes. We wind up with people who depend on us, a reputation to up-hold, principles and ideals, dreams and goals all to abide by, and it can seem overwhelmingly difficult to make big changes.
So when some kind of significant life-altering event such as divorce comes along it’s the perfect time to take the opportunity to take stock and make the changes you’ve been wanting to make. And with that in mind, I’ve been evaluating my own life, figuring out how best to move forward with my new life…how best to move Runamuk forward.
It took a while to find a place where I can settle. I’d posted ads on Craigslist and the Uncle Henry’s, but also spread the word via facebook and through good old fashioned word of mouth from my friends, family, and community that I have been searching for a 2 bedroom home where I can homestead–even on a small scale. I had some really intriguing offers too–opportunities like managing or working in partnership on other farms–all of which were distant and far-flung. Some opportunities included a great growing space for my market garden, but the housing was less than adequate, and with 2 growing boys having my own space with at least 2 bedrooms is imperative.
But with some patience and perseverance the community that I serve has come through for me, and I am so grateful. A friend of mine has a small house just outside of Madison that has 2 bedrooms, a large shed where I can store my beekeeping and gardening equipment, as well as just enough land for a garden to feed myself and the boys. The rent will be low enough that I will be able to continue to do much of what I’ve come accustomed to with the funds earned working at Johnny’s (read about my new job with Johnny here), which is a huge relief.
As I seek to get both myself and my business back on our feet, I find it necessary to re-evaluate what I really need to be doing to build this farm-business up into something truly self-sustaining, and as it is–at this point, with no homestead, no acreage that needs clearing, and a job off the farm–the goats no longer fit into my plans for Runamuk. Better to let the goats go so that they have the space to roam and browse, and that I might better be able to focus my attention on the bees.
And so the funds that I took in from the sales of Bella, George, Miranna and Brandybuck will be used to put a deposit on 5 new colonies of bees for this coming season.
I’m not sure if I’m re-defining–or rediscovering who I am during this process, perhaps its a little of both as I let go of many aspects of my old life, embrace new elements, and refocus my attention on that which I wish to pursue–and on who I want to be–going forward. Whoever I am coming out the other side I hope that She is someone the old me would be proud to claim…