Over the course of the last week, I’ve been out breaking trail in more ways than one. From the Back-40 to embracing authenticity at Substack and in my own self, life at Runamuk Acres is full of wholesome, farm-to-table goodness─and I love it!
First Substack Essay!
We spent the first part of last week digging out following our first big snow of the season. Once the driveway was clear and paths to the livestock pens were shoveled, BraeTek and I could think about other projects. For me, that was writing. In addition to the weekly update published here last week, I also published my very first Substack essay.
Being their authentic selves seems obvious and easy for some, but a lifetime of trauma and manipulation have made it difficult for me. In the wake of my breakup earlier this year, I’ve been highly focused on my own personal growth. I’ve spent a lot of time healing and letting go, but also practicing new intrinsic skills and developing myself from the inside out.
Yoga, meditation and affirmations have become part of my daily routine. Carefully monitoring thoughts to tend my mental health and cultivating a attitude of gratitude. Most of all, I am learning to be more authentically me.
Embracing my own magic, I am falling ever more in love with this life I have created. I am learning that the opinions of others does not matter, nor do I care anymore. I am learning to listen to my own intuition when it kicks me in the gut. Learning to say no to things that upset the peace I have finally found in my life and in myself.
It’s something I have to work at, I admit, and some days are better than others. Yet, every day I am consciously practicing little habits for mental health and self-improvement to better grow myself as a person. I firmly believe in being a life-long learner and that there’s always room for personal growth.
What Substack offers is a community of writers sharing their work─whatever that may be. It’s an inspiring platform for creatives and I feel free to write more openly there. Or maybe I’m at a place in my life where I’m just ready.
Believe it or not, I’ve toed the line with my blog. I’ve always been mindful that my writing represents my business. I’ve been conscious of how my words might affect current or ex-partners. Certainly, I’ve never talked about my past. As I sink deeper into my own authenticity, however, I find myself less inclined to hold back.
That’s what my first essay at Substack is about. It’s about how society pressures us to shrink ourselves “for the greater good”. For the good of what? Or whom? Click the link to read the first in a 4-part essay: The Audacity of Authenticity, but I warn you, it’s not for everyone.
Farm-to-Table Goodness
Last week, I made yeast rolls (mostly because I’ve been craving them since I didn’t make them for Thanksgiving) and a CSA-member favorite: strawberry crumb-bars. The real star of the week were these savory handpies─decadent and so delicious. A real treat!
I cubed and ovenroasted one of my own home-grown butternut squashes, seasoning it with rosemary, thyme, garlic powder, salt and fresh ground pepper. Once the squash was cooked, I added the chicken, bacon and some oh-so-tender-and-sweet caramelized onions, wrapped it all in flaky, buttery pie crust─and voila! Farm-to-table goodness!
Just to be sure it was worthy, BraeTek and I each had one for dinner Thursday night. I like mine smothered in gravy…omnomnom…
Let’s just say they passed the test.
Mom-Moments
Once we had that 10.5-foot tree back to the farmhouse, it was a bit of a project to get it in place. We had to move the desk where BraeTek does his schoolwork into the stairwell on the other side of the wall in our front room. But before we did that I wanted to cover the antique front doors with plastic to help retain heat this winter.
Working together, BraeTek and I were able to tack some heavy 6mil plastic up, with a sheet and a half of blue foam-board insulation between the door and the plastic for good measure. The difference in that space was immediately noticable and I am so glad to have done it. It may not be pretty─but it serves the greater good.
BraeTek is a good worker for me most of the time, but Mums and Dads alike know how obnoxious teens can be…always pushing your buttons, shirking chores and lost to their cell phones. Every now and again, however, they have these rare moments where they show you that they actually do care and they really are listening. In those moments we catch a glimpse of the adult they are coming to be. BraeTek gave me one of those precious mom-moments on this particular evening.
We managed to get the tree up, lights on it (we have this rickety old step-ladder that wiggles and sways, but hasn’t let me down yet…), and I left BraeTek to begin putting ornaments on the tree while I went to start dinner. When I returned a short while later, I was surprised to find that he hadn’t even started decorating the tree. Instead, he’d chosen to wait for me with our holiday movie qued up (The Grinch). Then this boy of mine put my most prized ornament in my hand so that I could place the first one.
Unable to speak for the mixture of pride and grief that choked me, I hung Daddy’s picture on the tree front and center.
Breaking Trail
It was later in the week, when I strapped a pair of snowshoes to my feet and set out across the field with Beebe the Brave, Runamuk’s resident livestock guardian dog. We have a mile and a half of trails running through the forest and I have aspirations of inspiring community members to utilize it. That means maintaining trails myself, a task which I find invigorating and enjoyable anyway.
“I have to take a hike in the woods? Oh darn!”
The back field is longer than she looks from the house. Just reaching the forest at the other end is a hellova work-out when you’re breaking trail in a foot of powdery snow. With legs long and strong from a summer spent traipsing around the field, moving livestock houses and fences, I can keep a brisk pace. My heart pounded in my chest and my blood ran hot, but I stopped only twice to catch my breath.
“I’ll turn back at the woodline,” I told myself.
“Save the rest for another day,” I said.
“The sun has already sunk behind the trees…it will get cold fast now.“
Pausing at the treeline, I took a moment to catch my breath. Then, unable to resist the allure of the snow-covered forest, I ducked into the woods and continued on.
We took the Creek Trail, breaking a path down to the little stream where Beebe likes to submerge herself in the summer. We came back by way of the Cross Trail which connects with the local snowmobile trail that runs through our property. It’s mesmerizing to see the landscape all fresh and white, pristine and glittering, trees bowed low over the trail under the weight of the snow.
This landscape─it romances me─seduces me. And I am powerless to resist it. I have become it’s servant, bound to this land to ensure the well-being of all who reside here. A steward conscripted to the duty of protecting this special place.
And I do.
On the list this week:
- LAMB COMES BACK! Wooooooooooooo!
- Baking for the farmstand: I’m thinking lamb-stew to-go with biscuits, and I’m craving gingerbread cake in the worst way!
- Spring Cleaning: we do this during the winter here.
- Appointments: BraeTek has an eye exam and something is not right with my foot since the turkey-incident, so I am seeking a referral for further investigation.
- Pantry Stock-Up: Once a month I go grocery shopping to stock up on food and provisions.
This is My Life
The sky was rosy with the setting sun as Beebe and I made our way out of the woods that day. Surveying field and farm with the looming Black Hill beyond, my heart swelled with gratitude. It’s taken years of “breaking trail” to attain healing and personal growth. Years of study to reach a place where I feel confident enough to be fully and completely myself in all situations. And that work will be forever ongoing, I know.
Still, I’m grateful for having come this far, for believing in myself enough to bring me here to this place in time. Here, where I am a farmer with the freedom to live and be her truest self. Growing and making food, feeding the soil and cultivating an ecological reserve amid the mountains of Maine.
This is my life and I love it!
Thank you for following along with the story of this lady-farmer! It is truly a privilege to live this life serving my family and community, while protecting wildlife through agricultural conservation. Check back soon for more updates from the farm, and be sure to follow @RunamukAcres on Instagram or Facebook!
